Choosing to cheat

I told my husband the other day I could stay up all night long and still have way too much on my to do list, to which he responded, “shorten your to-do list”

Profound! Simple, maybe even obvious but I thought it was brilliant…he’s a smart guy. I think all of us have expectations we place on ourselves that don’t REALLY have to be done.

Andy Stanley wrote a book called “choosing to cheat” The premise states that we cannot possibly do everything so we must cheat in one or more areas of our life. There are simply not enough hours in a day or days in a year to do and be everything we want. We are then faced with the choice to decide what is most important.

Although we don’t see it this way it is even a little egotistical to think we are soooo important that we must get so much done. If the world will keep spinning and no one will be physically harmed if we don’t complete the task then is it really THAT important?

Cheating suggestions:

Housework: Everyone has different “must does’” for a clean home. I think it is essential to take a moment to define what a clean home is to you. What is most important and what areas can you cheat? It will just get dirty again anyway!

The Internet: Rescue time is a free internet service designed to keep you accountable for how much time you spend on the net. On average it rescues people from almost 4 hours of time a week!

Television: Along with the internet these are the two biggest time suckers for most families. Be intentional with your television. Ask is this show WORTH my time? Give yourself a number you are comfortable with for hours spent per week in front of the tube.

Extra activities: If your kids are in soccer, dance, karate, football, and piano all at the same time you might want to take a step back and ask what is most important and what is not. Or maybe you are the president of the PTA, the bible study leader, the volunteer and the helper for EVERYTHING in your city. Just incase you need permission…It’s okay to say no.
(ouch I am so guilty of this)

Work more effectively: No matter where you work: in an office or at home there are ways to work more efficiently. 4 hour work week is a book dedicated to helping your work more effectively.

Barter anyone?: You can’t do it all but together we can. Babysitting is a great way to trade services. You watch my kids and I’ll watch yours. I have a friend that does all my monogramming and I make her little girls hair bows. PERFECT!!

What is a skill or service you can offer? Trading is much more fun that spending money and is a helpful way to get what you need by “cheating”

Share your thoughts: In what ways do you “cheat?”

Martha Stewart’s daughter and a lesson in PRIORITIES

Martha Stewart, your quintessential homemaker, picture perfect crafter, gourmet chef, amazing hostess, and gardener.

We all have someone we look up to, and for so many women it is Martha Stewart. When our days are stressful, dinner is burnt, and the centerpiece we tried to craft for thanksgiving looks more like a preschoolers art project, we close our eyes and think, “How does Martha do it?”

According to her daughter, while Martha was pretending to be betty homemaker to the world, she ignored her own family.

“If I didn’t do something perfectly, I had to do it again,” writes her daughter. “I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head.” source

Photo credit

She goes on to say “There was never anything to eat at my house,” and despite Martha’s seemingly love for the holidays, her daughter said she was quite “humbug” about them in reality.

While Martha was pretending to be perfect, her own daughter suffered. I’m not trying to dog on Martha, she was running a successful TV ‘show and magazine, writing cookbooks and who knows all of her other million obligations, there is now way she could DO IT ALL.

She was never designed to DO IT ALL.

This my friends, is point of Imperfect People.

So many are wearing the masks of “I have it all together” when families are falling apart.

When the stress of the world tells us to go here, do that ,and be the leader of this, we have to KNOW what it is we are designed to do and don’t apologize for saying no to something that doesn’t fit into the mission God has given us.

How do you know your mission?

List out your top 5 priorities. The things that take up the majority of your time, talent, and treasure. If all else fades, if money didn’t matter, cross out your obligations one by one until you are left with the TWO that are most important.

Go ahead write them down.

What are you left with?

Hopefully it is family and faith.

Of course we cannot ignore those other three priorities but i hope that shed light on the things that TRULY matter.

Another way to help decide your mission is discovering what are you passionate about. What gets you up in the morning and gets you excited? What are your gifts talents?

Once you know what is most important, develop a family mission statement. Deciding what is most important as a family helps you to say NO to the good opportunities so you can say YES to the best opportunities. Examplehere.

Martha Stewart has talents no doubt, and I don’t think it is wrong that she had a successful career using those talents. I just think she may have lost sight of what is MOST important.

While loving the Lord with all our hearts is the MOST important, I believe family certainly comes way before career, hobbies, and fame and fortune.

How do you keep focus on the most important priorities?

del.icio.us Tags: perfect,imperfection,mission statement,family,faith

How to argue with your spouse

My husband and I celebrated SEVEN years of marriage this past weekend (woo hoo!). To celebrate we went to a Winshape “Courageous Hearts” retreat in Rome, GA.

Inspired by the quote, “the best thing you can give your kids is a good marriage” we took an intentional getaway designed not for couples in crisis, just couples that want the BEST marriage possible. Our weekend was full of RELAXATION, no distractions (it is media free), time together, and time to learn how to be even better together.

Truett Cathy (yes the founder of Chick-fil-A) founded Winshape with the purpose of shaping “winners” and shaping winning marriages is one of the things they do great…plus we had excellent customer service and lots of “my pleasure.”

The ropes course:

I learned so much I will probably be writing about it forever but most importantly was a really cool lesson on “how to argue with your spouse” led by Todd Sandel (who did an awesome job!) Here is what I learned:

Rarely are arguments about only the issue at hand. More often a “fear button” has been pushed and we are reacting because of the fear button, not the issue. Let me give you an example:

The wife is watching HGTV, she says, “oh honey look, I would love to do that to our kitchen!” He hears “I am not a good enough provider and you would like to do that to our kitchen tomorrow.”

His fear button of, “I”m not good enough” was pushed. He reacts by saying, “Don’t you remember the budget talk? Why would you bring that up now when we just paid for dance lessons?”

She reacts by using “you always” or “we never” because now her button of “I’m not being heard or my opinion isn’t valued” is pushed.

And so the cycle continues.

The issue is no longer about the plans for the kitchen but a husband who doesn’t feel valued and a wife who doesn’t feel heard.

After a little practice you can quickly identify when you get in the cycle and deal with the “buttons” instead of just arguing in circles.

If the buttons are identified early, the argument would end before it had a chance to start. Imagine a tennis match:

Serve: That kitchen on HGTV is Beautiful!
Return: Don’t you remember the budget talk?
AH HA! Your button was pushed. Argument ender: I’m sorry I didn’t intend that we remodel anytime soon if ever. It’s just a show I enjoy. Thank you for providing us with a home when so many have so little. (ok maybe that’s a little over the top…but I guarantee that would end the argument!)

Repair & Reconnect

My fear button of _________ got pushed

I reacted by __________

How ever the truth about my value is __________

What I really long for is ____________

Marriage is the foundation of the family. If you are married…I hope this will help you argue less, and voice your differences with love.

-Katie

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LiveJournal Tags: Marriage,Christian

17 Cheap (and romantic) date night ideas

Want to have a fun date night? Don’t have a lot of cash? Then I hope this list helps you enjoy your date and save some cash too!

First things first, if you have kids, babysitters are expensive. Talk to a group of friends about setting up a babysitting co-op. Where you trade out “tokens” for babysitting instead of cash.

Now that the kiddos are settled in here are a few cheap and romantic ideas:

Walk down memory lane: Reminisce on how you first met, your dating life, wedding, and early marriage. Get those butterflies back in action!
Stare at the stars INSIDE: Go to the Planetarium, learn about our universe and cuddle with your sweetie.
Enjoy the weather together. Depending on the time of year ice skating, picnics, or going for a swim are all fun date nights.
Dress Rehearsal: Got a play in your local theater you would love to see but don’t want to pay for tickets? Call around to see if you can attend the dress rehearsal. They are often a fraction of the price and sometimes FREE!
Cuddle up with a book: The book store is our personal favorite cheap date. I grab a book about gardening or kids and he grabs a magazine or book on sports and we sit together sipping coffee and playing footsie.
Dinner Coupons: www.Restaurant.com has specials and be sure to check your local paper or weekly circular for local coupons.
Just dessert: You can have dinner at home, put the kids to bed, then go out for dessert and coffee. Babysitters usually don’t expect as much if the kids are sleeping the whole time. I have friends that trade out with a neighbor and do this once a week!
Play 40 questions: Print out this Conversation starters booklet and get to know each other better.
Take a Tour: You would be surprised at all the places that would be glad to give you a tour of their business if you just ask. Candy shops, distribution centers, factories, whatever interest you and is close to where you live.
Flea Markets browsing: There’s something for everyone at a flea market and plenty of things you never knew existed — you might even discover he has a hobby or weird collection you didn’t know about…plus often times there is cotton candy.
Art museum: Even if you don’t live near the Guggenheim almost every city offers art on display at a local city building or college. Just for fun dress up and talk with your best English accent as you study the art.
Botanical Gardens: Almost every town has an amazing world of horticulture just waiting to be explored. Call in advance and they will gladly give you a tour.
Share what you love: Spend time teaching each other about your favorite hobby or skill. Playing an instrument, gardening, crafting, photography etc. You may be surprised how much you enjoy their hobby.
Be a tourist in your own home town. We went on charted tour (very inexpensive) of a neighboring city and learned more than we ever learned living nearby for years! Contact your local visitors bureau for events and tour information.
Open mic/karaoke night: Check out the nearest karaoke or open mic night. Even if you don’t participate you will enjoy free talent or lack there of (which is sometimes even better).
Local College/University events: If you live near a college log on to the school’s website and check out the schedule of events. Schools will open large events, from lectures & panels, to movie screenings and plays. Usually free to the public.
Go back home: If you took the kids to a friends house, go back home. Light a few candles…need I say more?

What is your favorite cheap date night?

Love Language Assessment Test

Valentines day is just around the corner. Do you know your love language?

Picture Credit

In case you have no idea what I’m talking about Gary Chapman wrote a book called the 5 love languages which he says we all give and receive love in the following ways:

Acts of Service: Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes.
Words of Affirmation: Unsolicited compliments mean the world to you.
Physical Touch: Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show love.
Quality Time: Nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention
Receiving Gifts: Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift.

It really makes a difference understanding how people in your life give and receive love. For a short glimpse of your language take this test!

For a more in-depth (and probably more accurate) test you can go to Gary Chapman’s website They have the same test for children, singles, and teenagers here too.

Share your findings. What is your love language?

del.icio.us Tags: love,marriage,christian

Unconditional love: A love like that

Humility, a word none of us really like. A word none of the adveristers use as it would involove you NOT buying their product. Putting others above ourselves. I am pretty sure the root of all that is wrong with the world today is because everyone is for the most part out for themselves. ME ME ME.

I just heard an amazing story about a couple that was headed for divorce. Everything was falling apart and the best solution everyone told them was to go their separate ways The husband kept getting convicted that he should look at his own faults and mess-ups instead of hers. No one wants to do that, no one wants to look at their own faults, but he did it anyway. He realized even though she messed up and messed up big (adultery), he was not perfect and this marriage was not out of God’s ability to fix.

The point is, instead of pointing fingers it is really helpful to turn the finger back on ourselves sometimes and say, “What can i do better? Where have I messed up? and What do they need?” instead of what do I need.

Because one family was willing to do that a marriage was saved. They are not a statistic. The children don’t have to have split Holiday plans and the family has a glimpse of what unconditional love looks like.

People fall short and don’t always live up to our expectations but that doesn’t mean we should love any less. Unconditional love is just that…not based on conditions.

I want to love like that. I want to love regardless of if I am loved back, I want to give regardless of if I get anything back. I want to pray for others much more than I pray for myself. I want to think everyday what can i do to make a difference, who can i encourage, help, or pray for all to bring glory to my father and not to me. I want to love like that.

Thank you Lord for sending Jesus to be a model of that beautiful love.

What examples of unconditional love have you experienced?

Finding the sparkle again

After six years of marriage I finally took my ring to the jewelers for a good cleaning, refinishing, and shine. Wow what a difference it made! It gradually got dirty so i didn’t notice how bad it got until I saw how beautiful it always was, hiding behind all the “gunk.”

I am not going to get a new ring just because it needed some TLC. That would be crazy! Way to expensive and this ring means something to me. Even if we became millionaires I would always want to wear THIS RING.

I think, just like my ring, we get used to something and accept it at its current state even though we know it could be so much better. I know several people fighting marital problems. I’m sure the problems didn’t happen over night but somewhere along the way they happened and now they are putting up with a “grimy, gunky” marriage when it could be so much more. Should they get a “new one?” No! Just because it needs some attention, a fresh perspective, and maybe even some expert care, doesn’t mean it isn’t worth saving. I don’t know everyone’s situation and maybe the “grime” is very thick but at one point there was some sparkle and I believe it is worth doing whatever it takes to find that sparkle again.

We are not perfect but we try very hard to put each others needs above our own. The book Love & Respect I believe is a must read for all couples. About how a woman needs love the same way a man needs respect.

One of the best things you can give your children, is a good marriage.

Marriage is the foundation for the family our culture does very little to support it. Families are falling apart everywhere we look because very few people are willing to roll up their sleeves and find resources and people to come along side us and encourage a healthy marriage. If you are facing problems, or (even better) if you just want to be proactive, there are some great resources here and here. And P.S. the Fireproof move (and book) are AWESOME!

It is worth fighting for.

“You know someone needs encouragement if they are breathing.”

Truett Cathy said it best, “You know someone needs encouragement if they are breathing.”

Everyday we are berated with “you can do better, you can be more attractive, you are not quite good enough.” But noticeably absent from our culture are the efforts made to appreciate each other.

Positive Reinforcement is a great way to teach children. Even train your pet. And while I’m not trying to get you to “train” anyone to do anything I am saying with all the research that a pat on the back goes along way you would think we would do it more often.

I think being summoned to the bosses office should at least occasionally be a good thing. Or taking our kids to the side let them know we noticed how well the were sharing and we are so proud of them.

The forgotten art of handwritten notes is a great way to encourage others. There is something special about going to the mailbox to find a letter with your name on the outside handwritten. You know its not a bill, it is someone who took the time to sit down, write something special to YOU, pin down your address, and even found a stamp! Handwritten sticky notes are also very sweet to leave around the house or to place in a work bag, lunch box etc. My husband is so sweet about doing this before he leaves on trips. Sweet little sticky notes to find while he is gone.

But there is also nothing wrong with sending an uplifting email or facebook message. I try to be sensitive when i notice a certain person keeps coming to mind. If I know they are going through a hard time I try to make a POINT (because it has to be intentional) to give them a call or just touch base somehow. I don’t always do it and I often miss the boat but the times I do get it right it is such a blessing to pass on some encouragement.

I wonder what our world would look like if we actually told each other how much we appreciate each other and did it often.

Now if you will excuse me I have a long overdue note to send to a friend.

Imperfect People

Imperfect People in love with a Perfect God

Category Archives: Marriage