Imperfect People

Imperfect People in love with a Perfect God

Category Archives: Parenting

Mom guilt

Faced with the overwhelming responsibility of mothering the next generation; mothers often feel like we are not doing enough, or not doing it just right. 

I am certainly guilty of this myself, and I have never met another mom who didn’t feel the same. 

Although it’s a positive sign that we’re trying to do our best, we need to learn to let it go so that we can be our best.   A guilty conscience is doing no one any good, if anything it is just causing frustration.  Either a change needs to be made or an acceptance needs to take place. 

Truthful Guilt:

In this type of guilt there really is something that could be better.  What is nagging over your head that you know needs to be changed?   You have put it off for whatever reason.  Let’s not wait any longer.  Our children are growing up everyday, let’s take steps today to make our tomorrow the best it can be. 

Guilt from Unrealistic expectations:

I feel like my picture should be beside these words with a stamp on my forehead saying “guilty”.  Actually, I do need a picture for this post….

We compare ourselves to our neighbor who has a beautiful yard, our best friend whose children can recite the entire bible (minor exaggeration), the one whose home is always immaculate, and the one who is always doing craft projects with her kids. 

My favorite saying around here is, “We compare ourselves to what others are on the outside to what we know to be true of ourselves on the inside”

Yes Sally (names changed to protect the innocent) may be crafty, but I bet she doesn’t have the talent you do! Be thankful for Sally’s talent and note that she probably doesn’t have yours! 

We all have at least one talent, but not one of us have all the talent. 

Most importantly comparing ourselves to others is a lose, lose battle.  The only perfect one worthy of comparing ourselves to is Jesus.  He was not a mom, but  He was an amazing and effective teacher.  He corrected and showed grace at all the right times. He was selfless and He loved….like REALLY LOVED, even when we didn’t deserve it.  What a model!!

When you feel the unwelcome feeling of guilt creeping in again:

  1. Determine if it is true or unrealistic guilt
  2. If it is true: Do something. Make the changes right then, or take steps to make the situation better.
  3. If it is untrue.  Thank God for making  you the mother that you are.  Focus on what you do well.  And enjoy doing what you do best with your kids. 

As iron sharpens iron,
so one person sharpens another. Proverbs 27:17

What do you think? Do you carry mom guilt? I love your comments!

Choosing to cheat

I told my husband the other day I could stay up all night long and still have way too much on my to do list, to which he responded, “shorten your to-do list”

Profound!  Simple, maybe even obvious but I thought it was brilliant…he’s a smart guy.  I think all of us have expectations we place on ourselves that don’t REALLY have to be done. 

Andy Stanley wrote a book called “choosing to cheat” The premise states that we cannot possibly do everything so we must cheat in one or more areas of our life.  There are simply not enough hours in a day or days in a year to do and be everything we want.  We are then faced with the choice to decide what is most important.

Although we don’t see it this way it is even a little egotistical to think we are soooo important that we must get so much done.  If the world will keep spinning and no one will be physically harmed if we don’t complete the task then is it really THAT important? 

Cheating suggestions:

Housework:  Everyone has different “must does’” for a clean home.  I think it is essential to take a moment to define what a clean home is to you.  What is most important and what areas can you cheat? It will just get dirty again anyway!

The Internet:  Rescue time is a free internet service designed to keep you accountable for how much time you spend on the net.  On average it rescues people from almost 4 hours of time a week! 

Television: Along with the internet these are the two biggest time suckers for most families.  Be intentional with your television.  Ask is this show WORTH my time?  Give yourself a number you are comfortable with for hours spent per week in front of the tube. 

Extra activities:  If your kids are in soccer, dance, karate, football, and piano all at the same time you might want to take a step back and ask what is most important and what is not.  Or maybe you are the president of the PTA, the bible study leader, the volunteer and the helper for EVERYTHING in your city.  Just incase you need permission…It’s okay to say no.
(ouch I am so guilty of this)

Work more effectively:  No matter where you work: in an office or at home there are ways to work more efficiently.  4 hour work week  is a book dedicated to helping your work more effectively.

Barter anyone?:  You can’t do it all but together we can.  Babysitting is a great way to trade services.  You watch my kids and I’ll watch yours.  I have a friend that does all my monogramming and I make her little girls hair bows.  PERFECT!! 

What is a skill or service you can offer?  Trading is much more fun that spending money and is a helpful way to get what you need by “cheating” 

Share your thoughts: In what ways do you “cheat?”


What if Mary had said no?

The biblical account of Jesus birth is a miracle no doubt.  I love to hear it, especially  during the Christmas Season.  This year, as a mom, I can’t help but look at the story though Mary’s eyes.  Here is what we know of the story:
WOW!  Ok what??  Mary was a young girl probably only a teenager at this time.  She was not a daughter of a king, or any prestigious family.  She was so perfectly ordinary.  Yet God had a message for her.
A lot more Wow’s with this statement!  I can only imagine what Mary is thinking.  She asks:
Here is the part I think is so amazing (as if everything else isn’t already mind blowing).  Mary who is engaged to be married is being told by an angel that she is to carry the Lord’s son.  There are about a million things she can be worried about:
1) I am only engaged, not married, how do I explain this to my fiancé??  Um, Jospeh I’m pregnant, but the baby is God’s don’t worry???
2) Even if he does believe me what about everyone else?  The punishment for a woman becoming pregnant un-wed is stoning to death a.k.a people throwing large rocks at you over and over until it kills you.
3)In the unlikley event everyone believes me, what about me and my plans?  I am about to get married?  I don’t want to have to alter the wedding dress!  I like being a regular girl, everyone is going to ask me tons of questions!   I really am too busy for all this right now!
But instead she says:
I think Mary “got” something that we often are too selfish to comprehend.  It wasn’t about her.  She had the amazing privilege to be the mother of Jesus only because she was willing to be “the Lord’s servant.”
She never complained that she had to deliver the Lord of the universie in a MANGER…no inn….no palace…a dark manger with stinky animals everywhere!
Yet Mary knew this wasn’t about her…it was about Jesus. 
The same is true today.  So many of us are fighting to further our own little kingdom.  We are wrapped up in making our name famous, when if we could understand the TRUTH which is, it’s not about us:  It’s about Jesus.
Making his name famous, furthering His kingdom, and doing HIS work.  His name is the only one that will last through the generations.  The best we can hope for is to be a supporting role to the most amazing lead character in the world.
Happy Birthday Jesus!
 

Acting out the Christmas Story

This year we started a new tradition.  Acting out the Christmas story! 

I am no supermom, the thought of crafts and elaborate plans intimidate me.  But I wanted our kids to better understand WHY we celebrate Christmas.  The books are great but most kids learn by doing.  Instead of overcomplicating things, I tried my hand at a simple play. 

  

I am guest posting today at Stringer Mama. Head on over to read the rest! 

 

 

Dear Hannah, on your birthday

Precious Hannah,

I can hardly believe four short years ago you were born.  Your daddy and I were told our lives would change forever but we didn’t believe it until we we met you. 

We were told we would experience love on a whole new level, but we didn’t know it until we held you

.

 

I remember the day we took you home from the hospital.  I looked at you,  fast asleep in your bed. I was a new mom, overwhelmed with emotion.  I barely knew you yet I would do ANYTHING for you. I didn’t understand how someone so small that couldn’t even (yet) love me back had just become such an important part of me!

Then God whispered…that is a glimpse of my Love. 

God has a crazy BIG, selfless, HUGE, relentless, and unexplainable love for his children.   If my imperfect self could love this child SOO much, how much more does God love me! 

 You have grown into such a precious little girl.  You love all things girly, pink, and princess.  You love your baby sister and you are so considerate of others. 

 

  You say funny things like, “When I grow up I want to be a mermaid, and if that doesn’t work I want to be Rapunzel let down your hair”  You also say you sister wants to be a water buffalo…yes a water buffalo…random I know….you got it from a book.    

You are a very social little girl and love to play with friends.  When friends are not around or your sister is napping you have imaginary “brothers and sisters” that have a “tall tall airplane” and you play with them often.  We have yet to get a clear answer on their names or residence but their parents names are Katie and Bryan so we feel pretty good about that.  

  

Everyday you request to wear a “beautiful dress” and you usually change clothes about 4 times a day. 

You love to play school, dance, and “baby and mommy.” 

 

(I absolutely LOVE this picture, Thanks Grandma!  Nice snap!)

You are a precious gift.  I am overwhelmed and honored that God chose me to be your mom.  You remind me of His big crazy love everyday. 

Happy Birthday Hannah Grace!

Love,

Mom

 

Martha Stewart’s daughter and a lesson in PRIORITIES

Martha Stewart, your quintessential homemaker, picture perfect crafter, gourmet chef, amazing hostess, and gardener.

We all have someone we look up to, and for so many women it is Martha Stewart.   When our days are stressful, dinner is burnt, and the centerpiece we tried to craft for thanksgiving looks more like a preschoolers art project, we close our eyes and think, “How does Martha do it?” 

According to her daughter, while Martha was pretending to be betty homemaker to the world, she ignored her own family. 

“If I didn’t do something perfectly, I had to do it again,” writes her daughter. “I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head.” source

 Photo credit

She goes on to say “There was never anything to eat at my house,” and despite Martha’s seemingly love for the holidays, her daughter said she was quite “humbug” about them in reality. 

While Martha was pretending to be perfect, her own daughter suffered.  I’m not trying to dog on Martha, she was running a successful TV ‘show and magazine, writing cookbooks and who knows all of her other million obligations, there is now way she could DO IT ALL. 

She was never designed to DO IT ALL.

This my friends, is point of Imperfect People.

So many are wearing the masks of  “I have it all together” when families are falling apart. 

When the stress of the world tells us to go here, do that ,and be the leader of this, we have to KNOW what it is we are designed to do and don’t apologize for saying no to something that doesn’t fit into the mission God has given us. 

How do you know your mission?

List out your top 5 priorities.  The things that take up the majority of your time, talent, and treasure.  If all else fades,  if money didn’t matter, cross out your obligations one by one until you are left with the TWO that are most important.

Go ahead write them down.

What are you left with?

Hopefully it is family and faith. 

Of course we cannot ignore those other three priorities but i hope that shed light on the things that TRULY matter. 

Another way to help decide your mission is discovering what are you passionate about.   What gets you up in the morning and gets you excited? What are your gifts talents? 

Once you know what is most important, develop a family mission statement.  Deciding what is most important as a family helps you to say NO to the good opportunities so you can say YES to the best opportunities.  Examplehere.

Martha Stewart has talents no doubt, and I don’t think it is wrong that she had a successful career using those talents.  I just think she may have lost sight of what is MOST important. 

While loving the Lord with all our hearts is the MOST important, I believe family certainly comes way before career, hobbies, and fame and fortune.

How do you keep focus on the most important priorities?

Faith like a child

We just got back from a trip to the land of oz!!  Bryan and I took the girls to visit Great Grandma and lots of family we don’t get to see often because of the many miles between us. 

Bryan and I packed up the car and tried our best not to forget anything.  We had warm clothes, pajamas, toothbrushes, snacks, coloring books,  plane tickets and gas in the car.  We were prepared.  We knew where we were going and a good idea what to expect. 

When we got on the airplane I watched Hannah (our almost 4 yr old) happily apply stickers to every surface of her coloring book.  Ava (our two year old) enjoyed the little window going up and down, and up and down and up and down and…. they had not a worry in the world about our trip. 

 

Despite our attempts to explain it they really had no concept that we were traveling several hundred miles away.   They didn’t pack anything, and they did nothing to prepare. 

They didn’t have to check their calendar when we said it was time to go, They just went.  They didn’t worry that they wouldn’t have food, clothing, or a place to sleep that night. 

We have proven ourselves faithful to take care of them.

Sometimes God has an “adventure” planned for us.  And He simply says, “let’s go.”

As silly as it would be for our 2 year old to say, hold on mom, let me check my blackberry to see if I can schedule in this trip.  How silly would it be for me to tell God the same thing?  When God is calling nothing else matters. 

It is hard to trust He has all the details worked out but He does.  “Don’t be afraid little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.” Luke 12:32-33

I love your comments!  How have your children taught you about faith?

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I used to be cool

As you can clearly see in this Halloween picture circa 1990 maybe? I was Oh so cool.  I know, I know, the huge yellow bow in my hair and the Halloween tights are pretty amazing.  Don’t be jealous. 

Somewhere between getting older and having kids i officially became un-cool.

My clothing is whatever fits and is on sale. 

I have no problem going places without makeup.

The last party I crashed I showed up (accidently) an hour late and forgot my kid’s shoes.  

My handbags and shoes come from yard sales. 

I often have stickers on my back thanks to my kids. 

The few famous people encounters I have had, are “famous people” no one has heard of.  Although I did walk by Angelina Jolie in NYC.  Oh yea baby.

My cell phone (which wasn’t even a cool phone) recently died after surviving a trip all around town on the top of my car!  Poor phone couldn’t hold on any longer and fell to it’s death less than a mile from home.

Being cool and fitting in was the only thing in the world that mattered as a teenager…now not so much.

Oh how all of the wrong things mattered so much when I was young and not at all now.  

Dear Hannah and Ava, when you are teenagers please know that you are the ultimate in cool regardless of what the world thinks.  I pray knowing a loving God who thinks you are a rock star is all you need for acceptance. 

I love your comments. Share an “un-cool” moment you have had. 

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Custom Family Mission Statement

Every intentional family needs a reminder of what is important now and again.  Family mission statements are all the rage in the blogging world.  You can read about them at:

Passionate Homemaking

Simple Mom

We are that family

Inspired to action

and a host of others I’m sure. 

Why have a mission statement?  Everyday we have a million things we can do with our time.  There are good choices, and then there are the best choices.  A mission statement  helps us to determine what is MOST IMORTANT, and freedom to ignore everything else. 

My husband and I sat down on the couch and listed out all the adjectives we could think of that we want our family to reflect.  He listed several and so did I.  The ones that we felt most important, and the ones we had in common were the words we decided to use in our mission statement. 

I wouldn’t be my imperfect self if I went with the crowd and did a traditional full sentence “statement.”  Alexander Creative came up with this BEAUTIFUL poster designed with just with our key “mission” words

 

Pretty stinkin cool huh?  I want to invite all my friends over just to stare at it with me.  I am elated over it!

Don’t have a family mission statement? There are great tips on making your own here!

I highly recommend Alexander Creative when you are ready to get your own!

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Simplicity Parenting and the freedom of LESS

If ever there has been a book on parenting that has revolutionized the way I view our children’s environment, it is this one.  If ever there was a book I wish everyone parent could read, it is this one.   I was completely blinded by our culture of MORE, MORE, MORE and CLUTTER, CLUTTER, CLUTTER!  My kids need the best toys, tons of choices and new things often right??

Kim Jon Payne author of simplicity parenting says that is not the case.  He has done study after study of families who DRASTICALLY cut down on the amount of toys, clutter, busyness, and screen time.  The results?  Among other things, children with A.D.D. who no longer need medicine and siblings who play together better and fight over toys less. 

He makes the compelling point that it wasn’t until the past 50 years that toys were even available for purchase outside of Christmas time. Now toys are for purchase at the grocery store, and even the gas station.  Toys are given for every occasion and no occasion at all.  Our children feel entitled.  As a small child looking up to the mountain of toys they become overwhelmed with choices and the result reaction is stress.  Entitled stressed out children can’t help but to behave selfishly, jittery, and unmanageable. 

I have always been frustrated with clutter and a desire to do something about it.  This book certainly put me over the edge…in a good way.  We had a yard sale this  past weekend where we cut down at least 70% of all toys.  We also created a toy “library” as suggested in the book where several toys are put in boxes in the attic and will be rotated with others on a periodic basis. 

A large portion of their toys were broken or missing parts and many of them were overlooked in the sheer volume of choices.  The results?  It hasn’t quite been a week but my kids haven’t missed a thing!    They still have their most loved toys and I have certainly not missed less clutter to clean up a the end of the day. 

There is only so much square footage in our home.  I much prefer it to be open with room to play instead of packed with unloved items.

It is such an overwhelming feeling of freedom to have LESS STUFF weighing you down!  I am on a roll!  We have shelf and closet space I thought I would never see empty. My husband is thankfully totally on board and we have helped each other decide what is worth keeping and what is not. 

The new rule?  When an item comes into the home, something else goes out.  It really helps us to decide if the new item is or isn’t worth bringing home.

Simplcity Parenting also has super helpful tips on how to create “rhythm” in your home by creating schedules and routines. 

I love your feedback.  How do you simplify in your home? 

* Update.  It has been several months now since I first published this book.  My kids still have never missed a single toy that is gone. And the toy library is amazing!  Every few months they get “all new toys” (from the attic!) and then I fill up the two bins with some old toys..that will soon be new again! 

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